Number 8 Feb. 17, 2002

Yo folks. What uncle guido has to report this Sunday are more bad translations.
Now we have Japanese and Chinese. Since the Chinese will probably end up buying us
with all the money they make from selling us cigarette lighters and cheap jeans, we should
learn Chinese anyway.

There. That didn't hurt did it? I have been wrestling with some system problems this
week. Microsoft maintains some excellent support sites. It's just that they wouldn't
need to if their software was better.

Your working boy over and out.



February 14, 2002

Greetings all. Here are the latest fruits of my labors watered by the sweat from
my brow, planted in the earth of my site. Sounds disgusting, no? Who wants a sweaty

As I was sitting here thinking of amusing ways to give myself carpal tunnel syndrome and
back problems from sitting in front of a computer screen for eight hours at a time, I thought
"Hello! Let's translate the site for the benefit of our many non-English speaking visitors! There's
a jolly idea, old fellow! Huzzah!" And then I wondered why I had started talking like a British
schoolboy from 1918.

I went and did it. There is a website, a venerable institution by web standards, perhaps 3 years old,
called BABELFISH. This name derives from "The Hitch-hiker's Guide to the Galaxy" in which one would
insert a tiny fish into one's ear which would translate all known languages for the host. Babelfish is
a site where one may insert text in one language and have something vaguely resembling that text return
after a few minutes. One may also type in the URL of any given site and have the text "translated".
"Hello, Harry!" I told myself, becoming Harry Potter for a second "there's a capital idea!" But there is
usually a catch. The translation program got in there and stepped all over my code, man, inserting its
own links and other gremlins which took as long to clean up as it would have done to just translate the
damn thing myself. Also, the literal-minded sheer stupidity of the translation algorithms makes this
site a better destination for surrealist poets than people in need of translation. Of course, this is one thing I love about it.

Oh yes, here is the link before I forget.

So, I have translated the opening page of the site into




There is also a little musical offering on each page just for the hell of it.

My thanks to Isabelle Corbisier who helped me translate at least the French version over Microsoft Messenger.
Quite an experience translating line by line from a chat program.

Now I will demonstrate Babelfish

I have translated this text using Babelfish. Babelfish is an online translating program.
I have 5 nipples. My left foot is an illegal alien. My right foot is lobbying for independence, but I
am only willing to grant it limited autonomy. If you remove the grey scratch panel from my eyes, lo I will
behold the universe in all its splendor. Pass the mashed potatoes, Elvis, I think Gladys is beating the
chickens again.


J'ai traduit ce texte en utilisant Babelfish. Babelfish est un programme en ligne de traduction. J'ai 5 mamelons. Mon pied gauche est un étranger illégal. Mon pied droit incite à l'indépendance, mais je suis seulement disposé à l'accorder ai limité l'autonomie. Si vous retirez le panneau gris de brouillon de mes yeux, bas je behold de volonté l'univers dans tout son splendor. Passez la purée de pommes de terre, Elvis, je pensent que Gladys bat les poulets encore.


He traducido este texto usando Babelfish. Babelfish es un programa en línea el traducir. Tengo 5 entrerroscas. Mi pie izquierdo es un extranjero ilegal. Mi pie derecho está cabildeando para la independencia, pero estoy solamente dispuesto a concederla limité la autonomía. Si usted quita el panel gris del rasguño de mis ojos, bajos yo behold de la voluntad el universo en todo su splendor. Pase las patatas trituradas, Elvis, yo piensan que Gladys está batiendo los pollos otra vez.


Ho tradotto questo testo usando Babelfish. Babelfish è un programma in linea di traduzione. Ho 5 ugelli. Il mio piede sinistro è uno straniero illegale. Il mio piede destro sta incitando per indipendenza, ma sono soltanto disposto ad assegnarla ho limitato l' autonomia. Se rimuovete il pannello grigio della graffiatura dai miei occhi, bassi io behold di volontà l' universo in tutto lo relativo splendor. Passare le purè di patate, Elvis, io pensano che Gladys stia battendo ancora i polli.


Ich habe diesen Text mit Babelfish übersetzt. Babelfish ist ein Onlineübersetzungsprogramm. Ich habe 5 Nippel. Mein linker Fuß ist ein ungültiger Ausländer. Mein rechter Fuß beeinflußt für Unabhängigkeit, aber ich bin nur bereit, sie zu bewilligen begrenzte Autonomie. Wenn Sie das graue Kratzerpanel von meinen Augen löschen, niedrig ich Willensbehold das Universum in seinem ganzem splendor. Führen Sie die gestampften Kartoffeln, Elvis, ich denken, daß Gladys die Hühner wieder schlägt.

And then back the other way, one language to the other into

-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+English again! Works great!-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+

I have to translate this text with Babelfish. Babelfish is a program in the line of translation. Ho 5 nozzles. My left foot is an incorrect foreigner. My infuences of the skilful foot for independence, but me am only ready with the assegnarla that I limited autonomy. If cancelled the gray of panel of the draft of my eyes, the bottom of level Willensbehold relative universe in the splendor entirety. To carry out planted potatoes, Elvis, I think that Gladys always strikes the polli.

-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+VALENTINE'S DAY-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+


          |  \ \ | |/ /
          |  |\ `' ' /
          |  ;'aorta \      / , pulmonary
          | ;    _,   |    / / ,  arteries
 superior | |   (  `-.;_,-' '-' ,
vena cava | `,   `-._       _,-'_
          |,-`.    `.)    ,<_,-'_, pulmonary
         ,'    `.   /   ,'  `;-' _,  veins
        ;        `./   /`,    \-'
        | right   /   |  ;\   |\
        | atrium ;_,._|_,  `, ' \
        |        \    \ `       `,
        `      __ `    \   left  ;,
         \   ,'  `      \,  ventricle
          \_(            ;,      ;;
          |  \           `;,     ;;
 inferior |  |`.          `;;,   ;'
vena cava |  |  `-.        ;;;;,;'
          |  |    |`-.._  ,;;;;;'
          |  |    |   | ``';;;' fL

And that's the way it is. Mundoblaineo, a way of life, a life to weigh. Doesn't make sense, sounds okay.

your working boy,

Blaine L.




Number 6
The bulletin from Mundoblaineo, Sunday February 10, 2002

Greetings, all. I have been very busy with my little hobby, my ever-expanding website. I have been selecting, copying, pasting, revising, clicking and double-clicking that mouse until it gets red-hot.
Before I digress too wildly, let's get to the recent developments in Mundoblaineo.

Read all about my new bicycle! Stop a minute and catch your breath. A 'piece' called "Zen on Two Wheels."
a cracking read

I know I told you about my slang "webportage" but now I have included slang as used by our fine upstanding moral troops in Afghanistan, a new pic, and several notable quotes from America's generals. A stunning khaki layout.

New entries on Steven Brown's page. I live to serve. I will keep posting that stuff to my server as long as Steven supplies me with it. Read about Baron Brown's visit to the Mexican Rodeo, link to Wilhelm Reich, everything you always wanted, at half the price.

I have done a lot of image work this weekend, including some actual unprocessed photos from here on the Isle of Lucy, Lesbos. Still here, it's still beautiful. Also, watch out for a dazzling new javascript feature. Damn!

same thing goes for this link. Image is everything.

So, get busy browsing. I wanna see smoke from those overloaded cpu's. Enormous image files, yours for the downloading.

-= surfing =-

   ,@@@@~'        `~@@@.
  @@@@                `~
@@@@@        (_O
@@@@@@@.       /\
@@@@@@@@@..   |\_,-'    SurFinG!

My friend Chris Silvey casually mentioned on the phone that he had burned himself while "ear-candling". Now, I had heard of this practice as a medieval curiosity, or as one of Beethoven's desperate measures to save his hearing, but I had no idea it was a done thing in the states. Live and learn.

What it is, in case you don't know, you stick a cone-shaped hollow candle in your ear and light it. The resulting convection performs a demonstration of thermodynamics, vaporizes all the gunge which has been collecting in your ears throughout your entire life and you can collect it in a bowl and take it home to show the kids.

Sounds great!

Here are some FAQ's about this subject.

Ear Candling

The Six Most Frequently Asked Questions
About Ear Candling

1. What is Ear Candling?
Ear Candling is a natural and mildly erotic way to clean out accumulated wax and white, flaky fungus from the ears. The accumulations withdrawn from your ears may be many months or even years old and are so disgusting they make me want to blow chunks. Ear Candles are custom designed from natural fibers and tapered to precise specifications. New Elvis-shaped ear candles have recently become "all the rage" in Athens' trendy Kolonaki district. The collected discharges are especially favored by Greek bakers, who make a delicious pudding from them. They are often used as a sauce for calamari on the island of Lesbos.

2. Does Ear Candling hurt?
Absolutely not! It is a painless, harmless and totally relaxing experience. If it weren't for the intermittent crackling and hissing sounds the agonized shrieks and the smell of burning hair like a dog in a concentration camp oven-- due to the burning of the wax and fungus being drawn up the chimney of the candle -- you would never know that anything was happening in your ear. Many female ear candling therapists have recently taken to wearing black leather aprons and will perform other services, such as writing limericks on the client's buttocks with a soldering iron if requested. Many patients like to have an ear candle inserted in their rectum and lit cigarettes in each ear, the new therapy called "butt candling" which is gaining favor in alternative healing circles.

3. How long does an Ear Candling session last?
About forty-five (45) minutes per session, however, you should allow one (1) hour for your appointment. There have been reports of marathon 30 day "ear candling raves" being held on the west coast by former fans of the rock group "The Grateful Dead" but San Francisco police chief A. Eichmann refused to comment when we contacted him. Schoolchildren in Butte Montana have been detained for suspicious wax traces on their clothing, alleged to derive from satanist ear candling sabbaths held in the mountains outside of that city but no charges were filed.

4. How often should I have Ear Candling done?
Initially, most people need just 2 or 3 candling sessions to get their ears clean. Often gangs of ear candlers in Los Angeles have been known to waylay victims and ear candle them at gun point, insisting that their clients return five or six times a day. Groups of homeless ear candle addicts "candling up" in vacant lots are becoming an all too frequent sight in American cities and President George Bush has recently announced a campaign to "Round up and hang these hairball slime" as part of his ongoing anti-terrorism measures.  However, some people, may need up to eight (8) sessions over a six month period. Once your ears are clean, personal preference should determine how often you have your ears candled. Every three to six months would be practical.

5. Who can benefit from Ear Candling?
Ear candling can benefit almost everyone, from infants to adults. Primary monetary benefits have been substantial among bee keepers who supply the wax for the candles.  Musicians can benefit - especially singers and horn blowers - who often have a lot more wax build up than other people. People who wear hearing aids can benefit. Also, those people who have had previous ear injuries, can benefit from ear candling as they tend to have a greater build up of wax and fungus.

6. Who should not have Ear Candling?
Ear Candling should not be done to people who have ear tubes, perforated ear drums, artificial ear drums, penis implants, breast-enhancement surgery, pierced eyelids or tattoos featuring disney characters.

And there you go. If you aren't careful, I might turn this newsletter into a full-fledged online magazine. Provided, of course that there is an audience for a fairly geeky American muso with a hell of a lot of free time and a distorted view of his own importance in the scheme of things.

that's it for now
your working boy signing out


          |  \ \ | |/ /
          |  |\ `' ' /
          |  ;'aorta \      / , pulmonary
          | ;    _,   |    / / ,  arteries
superior | |   (  `-.;_,-' '-' ,
vena cava | `,   `-._       _,-'_
          |,-`.    `.)    ,<_,-'_, pulmonary
         ,'    `.   /   ,'  `;-' _,  veins
        ;        `./   /`,    \-'
        | right   /   |  ;\   |\
        | atrium ;_,._|_,  `, ' \
        |        \    \ `       `,
        `      __ `    \   left  ;,
         \   ,'  `      \,  ventricle
          \_(            ;,      ;;
          |  \           `;,     ;;
inferior |  |`.          `;;,   ;'
vena cava |  |  `-.        ;;;;,;'
          |  |    |`-.._  ,;;;;;'
          |  |    |   | ``';;;' fL


Number 5
February 9, 2002

Obsesso man is not satisfied with just sending text-based site updates. Oh no. He goes online to find an image editor
for ascii images and HE FINDS ONE. I also discovered that there is a community of dedicated geeks out there who make art
in this medium. That is, for those of you who don't know, when sending e-mail with the various programs dedicated to that
function, one has the option to format as either "text" or "html". With HTML, you have all the marvellous colors and pop up ads that we have come to know and love in our information age. With text, you have the bare bones characters which exist on your keyboard, no more, no less. Most mailing lists are limited to this format due to the miniscule size of the files in question. This one here, for instance.

If all things have worked out, you will see some handy dandy images which one can easily stick into the window of a chat program or cut copy paste and send to your friends. These images seem to read best with "courier" as the font and 10pt as the size.

If you LIKE this stuff, there are a couple of places to go.
for examples of this art form, very heavy on manga since the japanese seem to dig it.

and there is dave barry's humorous take on "emoticons", the inane punctuation analogs which have arisen to fill in the blanks left by our standard set.

par example:

:)  Happy person
:(  Sad person
:-)  Happy person with a nose
:-(  Sad person with a nose
:---(  Person who is sad because he or she has a large nose
:(  Person who is sad because he or she has a large fish for a nose
:-D  Person laughing
:-D*  Person laughing so hard that he or she does not notice that a 5-legged spider is hanging from his or her lip
:-|  Person unsure of which long-distance company to choose
>8-O-(&)  Person just realizing that he or she has a tapeworm
;-)  Person winking
-)  Person who can still smile despite losing an eyeball
:-0WW  Person vomiting a series of Slim Jims
:-Q  Person who just had cybersex and is now enjoying a post-coital cybercigarette
>:-Q -...  Person who was enjoying a post-coital cigarette until he suddenly noticed, to his alarm, that there is some kind of discharge dribbling from his cybermember
:-{8  Person who is unhappy with the results of her breast-enlargement surgery
:V:-|  Person who cannot figure out why nobody wants to talk to him or her, little suspecting that there is an alligator on his or her head
~oE]:-|  Fisherperson heading for market with a basket on his or her head containing a three-legged octopus that is giving off smell rays
>:-[ -{9  Person who is none too pleased to be giving birth to a squirrel

Here are some fine examples of emoticon art from the "macros" site.

-=( Skeleton )=-.
  // .=|=. \\
  \\ .=|=. //
    (:| |:)
     || ||
     () ()
     || ||
     || ||
l42 ==' '==
  /       \
      /    /
      \   \
   _____________  _
  |             | U/
   \           /

-=( Demon with Sword )=-.
        .   .
      //     \\
     / |_   _| \
     \`..` '..'/
      \       /
       \     /
        `. ,'
      __/   \__
    .'         `.
  .'   --. .--   \   _
' .'\        /\ |  (O)
: :   |       || :  :8:
\ \  |  _:_  |`. `-E=)
  \ \ |  _:_  |  '..E=)
   \ 'B   :   |    _:8:_
    `.B       | ,_'| | |`
      |  ._,  |< _`| | |
      |  | |  | ` `| | |
      |  | |  |`.__| | |
      |  | |  |`.__| | |
      (  ) (  )    |`: |
      |  | |  |    |`.`|
      |  | |  |    | |`|
      |  | |  |    | | |
      |  | |  |    | | |
   ,-'  .' `.  `-. \ | /
l42`'..'     `..''  \|/

I conclude by attempting to paste in an ascii image of my very own haid. Hope you can read this. If not, don't blame me.
(it helps to get up and walk back a few paces from your computer. This helps anyway. Walk away....turn it off, blaine...turn it o f f f.......)

uncle guido

        ascii self-portrait   .=+xxxmmx+.
                    =mm .=++++xxxxxx+xxxxxxxxmm##mm.
                  ;x   ;;==+++++x++++++++++++++xmmmm=
                  =m   ;;;===++++++++++++++++++xxmmmx
                  ++   ..;=+++++++++++++++++++++xxmmm
                 ;=      .=+++++++++++++++++++++++xm#
                 =.     .;++++++++++++++++++++++++xm#
                 =     =+++xxxxx+++x+++++++++++++++xm=
                 ;    .xmmmmmmmxxx+xx++++++++++++++xmx.
                 .   .+m######mmxxxxxxxxx+++++++++++mm=
                 .   =+mm####mmmxxxxxxxmxxxx++++++++mmx.
                 .  ;=xmmmmmmmmmxmxxxxmm####mmx++++xm#m=
                 ;  =+xmmmmm#mmmmxmxmmmmm#####mx+++xm##+
                 ;  =xmmmmmm#mmmmmxxxmmmm####mmmx++xmm#x
                ..  xmmxxmmmm###mx+++xmmm###mmmmmx++m##m
                ;.  xmx++xmmmm##mx=+++mm####mmmmmm++m##m
                ;   x+ +m####m##m=.==+m###mmmmmxxmx+x###
                ;   +  #########+. ===xmm#####mmxxx++###
                ;   ;  m####m#mm=  ==++mm######mmxx++###
                ;   .;;mmm#mmmmx   ;==+xm#######mmx++###
                      .xxxxxmxx;  .=+++++mxmmmmmmmx++###
                .      ++xxxx+    .++++++++xxxxxxxx++m##
                       =+xxxx+    .++++=+++++++xx++++###
                       xxxxx++   .=xxxx++++++++++++++m#m
                .     .+xxx++=  ;==xxxxx+++++++++=+++m#m
              ;.     .;xxx++++ .###mmm##m++++++++++++x#+
                      ;xxx++=x +###mmm###++++++++++++xm+;=
                ;     ;xx;=+xx==mmm###mmmxxx++++++++++++xx=
               ..      +x=;+++++xmm######xxx++++++x++xxx+x;
              +x;      =+=;==+xx#########mxxxx+++x+++xxx+x;
              xx       ;=+ ;+mmm#####mxxx#mmxx+++xx++xmm+x.
              xx       ;==.=+m##mmmmmxxxx###x+++++x++mmm+x
              +x+      ;x =+m#mmmmmmmmmxxm##m+x++++++xmmx+
               ;=      =x =mmmmm##mmmmmx+mmmmxx++++++mxmx;
                 =     +x +mmmm#mxxxxxmx+xmmmxxx+++++xxm+.
                +m     xx mm#+=+mmmmmmmm=  ;xx+xx+++++++=
                +m     xx m#m=+xmm#m#mmmx   xx+x++++++++;
               .mx     xx mmx++xmm##mmmmm   xx+x++++++++
                       =  +.;xxmmmmm#mmmmx  ;+xxx+++xm+
                       . .=;=xmmmmmmmmmmmm+ ==xxxx++++
                         .==xmmmmmxmxxxxmxxx .xxxxx=;
                       .= =xx+xm+xxxxmmxxxmx+mmxxxx
                       +=; ++;==xxmmmmmmmxxmmxmxxx;
                       ..    .+xmm#mmmmmmmmmmmmmm.
                       ;   .;+xm###mm#m#mmmmmmmmx
                       ;. ;;;+mm########mmmmmmmm+