Number
8
Feb.
17, 2002
Yo folks. What uncle guido has
to report this Sunday are more bad translations.
Now
we have Japanese and Chinese. Since the Chinese
will probably end up buying us
with all the
money they make from selling us cigarette lighters
and cheap jeans, we should
learn Chinese
anyway.
http://www.mundoblaineo.com/index2japanese.html
http://www.mundoblaineo.com/index2chinese.html
There.
That didn't hurt did it? I have been wrestling
with some system problems this
week. Microsoft
maintains some excellent support sites. It's just
that they wouldn't
need to if their software
was better.
Your working boy over and out.
blaine
February
14, 2002
Greetings
all. Here are the latest fruits of my labors
watered by the sweat from
my brow, planted in
the earth of my site. Sounds disgusting, no? Who
wants a sweaty
computer?
As I was
sitting here thinking of amusing ways to give
myself carpal tunnel syndrome and
back problems
from sitting in front of a computer screen for
eight hours at a time, I thought
"Hello!
Let's translate the site for the benefit of our
many non-English speaking visitors! There's
a
jolly idea, old fellow! Huzzah!" And then I
wondered why I had started talking like a British
schoolboy
from 1918.
I went and did it. There is a
website, a venerable institution by web standards,
perhaps 3 years old,
called BABELFISH. This
name derives from "The Hitch-hiker's Guide to
the Galaxy" in which one would
insert a
tiny fish into one's ear which would translate all
known languages for the host. Babelfish is
a
site where one may insert text in one language and
have something vaguely resembling that text return
after
a few minutes. One may also type in the URL of any
given site and have the text
"translated".
"Hello,
Harry!" I told myself, becoming Harry Potter
for a second "there's a capital idea!"
But there is
usually a catch. The translation
program got in there and stepped all over my code,
man, inserting its
own links and other gremlins
which took as long to clean up as it would have
done to just translate the
damn thing myself.
Also, the literal-minded sheer stupidity of the
translation algorithms makes this
site a better
destination for surrealist poets than people in
need of translation. Of course, this is one thing
I love about it.
Oh yes, here is the link
before I forget. http://babelfish.altavista.com/tr
So,
I have translated the opening page of the site
into
Italian
http://www.mundoblaineo.com/index2italian.html
French
http://www.mundoblaineo.com/index2francais.html
German
http://www.mundoblaineo.com/index2deutsch.html
and
Spanish
http://www.mundoblaineo.com/index2spanish.html
There
is also a little musical offering on each page
just for the hell of it.
My thanks to
Isabelle Corbisier who helped me translate at
least the French version over Microsoft Messenger.
Quite
an experience translating line by line from a chat
program.
Now I will demonstrate
Babelfish
I have translated this text using
Babelfish. Babelfish is an online translating
program.
I have 5 nipples. My left foot is an
illegal alien. My right foot is lobbying for
independence, but I
am only willing to grant it
limited autonomy. If you remove the grey scratch
panel from my eyes, lo I will
behold the
universe in all its splendor. Pass the mashed
potatoes, Elvis, I think Gladys is beating the
chickens
again.
-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+French-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+
J'ai
traduit ce texte en utilisant Babelfish. Babelfish
est un programme en ligne de traduction. J'ai 5
mamelons. Mon pied gauche est un étranger illégal.
Mon pied droit incite à l'indépendance, mais je
suis seulement disposé à l'accorder ai limité
l'autonomie. Si vous retirez le panneau gris de
brouillon de mes yeux, bas je behold de volonté
l'univers dans tout son splendor. Passez la purée
de pommes de terre, Elvis, je pensent que Gladys
bat les poulets encore.
-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+Spanish-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+
He
traducido este texto usando Babelfish. Babelfish
es un programa en línea el traducir. Tengo 5
entrerroscas. Mi pie izquierdo es un extranjero
ilegal. Mi pie derecho está cabildeando para la
independencia, pero estoy solamente dispuesto a
concederla limité la autonomía. Si usted quita
el panel gris del rasguño de mis ojos, bajos yo
behold de la voluntad el universo en todo su
splendor. Pase las patatas trituradas, Elvis, yo
piensan que Gladys está batiendo los pollos otra
vez.
-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+Italian-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+
Ho
tradotto questo testo usando Babelfish. Babelfish
è un programma in linea di traduzione. Ho 5
ugelli. Il mio piede sinistro è uno straniero
illegale. Il mio piede destro sta incitando per
indipendenza, ma sono soltanto disposto ad
assegnarla ho limitato l' autonomia. Se rimuovete
il pannello grigio della graffiatura dai miei
occhi, bassi io behold di volontà l' universo in
tutto lo relativo splendor. Passare le purè di
patate, Elvis, io pensano che Gladys stia battendo
ancora i polli.
-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+German-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+
Ich
habe diesen Text mit Babelfish übersetzt.
Babelfish ist ein Onlineübersetzungsprogramm. Ich
habe 5 Nippel. Mein linker Fuß ist ein ungültiger
Ausländer. Mein rechter Fuß beeinflußt für
Unabhängigkeit, aber ich bin nur bereit, sie zu
bewilligen begrenzte Autonomie. Wenn Sie das graue
Kratzerpanel von meinen Augen löschen, niedrig
ich Willensbehold das Universum in seinem ganzem
splendor. Führen Sie die gestampften Kartoffeln,
Elvis, ich denken, daß Gladys die Hühner wieder
schlägt.
And then back the other way, one
language to the other into
-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+English
again! Works
great!-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+
I
have to translate this text with Babelfish.
Babelfish is a program in the line of translation.
Ho 5 nozzles. My left foot is an incorrect
foreigner. My infuences of the skilful foot for
independence, but me am only ready with the
assegnarla that I limited autonomy. If cancelled
the gray of panel of the draft of my eyes, the
bottom of level Willensbehold relative universe in
the splendor entirety. To carry out planted
potatoes, Elvis, I think that Gladys always
strikes the polli.
-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+VALENTINE'S
DAY-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+
ANOTHER
STUPID ASCII GRAPHIC, APPROPRIATE FOR THE DAY:
valentine
| \ \ | |/ /
| |\ `' ' /
| ;'aorta \ /
, pulmonary
| ; _, |
/ / , arteries
superior | |
( `-.;_,-' '-' ,
vena cava | `,
`-._ _,-'_
|,-`. `.)
,<_,-'_, pulmonary
,' `. /
,' `;-' _, veins
; `./
/`, \-'
| right / | ;\
|\
|
atrium ;_,._|_, `, ' \
| \
\ ` `,
` __ `
\ left ;,
\ ,' `
\, ventricle
\_(
;, ;;
| \
`;, ;;
inferior |
|`.
`;;, ;'
vena cava | |
`-.
;;;;,;'
| | |`-.._ ,;;;;;'
| | | |
``';;;' fL
aorta
And that's the way it is.
Mundoblaineo, a way of life, a life to weigh.
Doesn't make sense, sounds okay.
your
working boy,
Blaine L.
Number 6
The
bulletin from Mundoblaineo, Sunday February 10,
2002
Greetings, all. I have been very busy
with my little hobby, my ever-expanding website. I
have been selecting, copying, pasting, revising,
clicking and double-clicking that mouse until it
gets red-hot.
Before I digress too wildly,
let's get to the recent developments in
Mundoblaineo.
Read all about my new
bicycle! Stop a minute and catch your breath. A
'piece' called "Zen on Two Wheels."
a
cracking read
http://www.mundoblaineo.com/journal3.html#feb0902
I
know I told you about my slang "webportage"
but now I have included slang as used by our fine
upstanding moral troops in Afghanistan, a new pic,
and several notable quotes from America's
generals. A stunning khaki layout.
http://www.mundoblaineo.com/hep_cat_talk.htm
New
entries on Steven Brown's page. I live to serve. I
will keep posting that stuff to my server as long
as Steven supplies me with it. Read about Baron
Brown's visit to the Mexican Rodeo, link to
Wilhelm Reich, everything you always wanted, at
half the price.
http://www.mundoblaineo.com/even_steven.htm
I
have done a lot of image work this weekend,
including some actual unprocessed photos from here
on the Isle of Lucy, Lesbos. Still here, it's
still beautiful. Also, watch out for a dazzling
new javascript feature. Damn!
http://www.mundoblaineo.com/snapshots.htm
same
thing goes for this link. Image is everything.
http://www.mundoblaineo.com/postcards.htm
So,
get busy browsing. I wanna see smoke from those
overloaded cpu's. Enormous image files, yours for
the downloading.
-= surfing =-
,@@@@@...
,@@@@@@@@@@@@@@..
,@@@@~'
`~@@@.
@@@@
`~
@@@@@
(_O
@@@@@@@.
/\
@@@@@@@@@.. |\_,-'
SurFinG!
@@@@@@@@@@@@@='~
@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@==......__
@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@
My
friend Chris Silvey casually mentioned on the
phone that he had burned himself while
"ear-candling". Now, I had heard of this
practice as a medieval curiosity, or as one of
Beethoven's desperate measures to save his
hearing, but I had no idea it was a done thing in
the states. Live and learn.
What it is, in
case you don't know, you stick a cone-shaped
hollow candle in your ear and light it. The
resulting convection performs a demonstration of
thermodynamics, vaporizes all the gunge which has
been collecting in your ears throughout your
entire life and you can collect it in a bowl and
take it home to show the kids.
Sounds
great!
Here are some FAQ's about this
subject.
Ear Candling
The Six
Most Frequently Asked Questions
About Ear
Candling
1. What is Ear Candling?
Ear
Candling is a natural and mildly erotic way to
clean out accumulated wax and white, flaky fungus
from the ears. The accumulations withdrawn from
your ears may be many months or even years old and
are so disgusting they make me want to blow
chunks. Ear Candles are custom designed from
natural fibers and tapered to precise
specifications. New Elvis-shaped ear candles have
recently become "all the rage" in
Athens' trendy Kolonaki district. The collected
discharges are especially favored by Greek bakers,
who make a delicious pudding from them. They are
often used as a sauce for calamari on the island
of Lesbos.
2. Does Ear Candling hurt?
Absolutely
not! It is a painless, harmless and totally
relaxing experience. If it weren't for the
intermittent crackling and hissing sounds the
agonized shrieks and the smell of burning hair
like a dog in a concentration camp oven-- due to
the burning of the wax and fungus being drawn up
the chimney of the candle -- you would never know
that anything was happening in your ear. Many
female ear candling therapists have recently taken
to wearing black leather aprons and will perform
other services, such as writing limericks on the
client's buttocks with a soldering iron if
requested. Many patients like to have an ear
candle inserted in their rectum and lit cigarettes
in each ear, the new therapy called "butt
candling" which is gaining favor in
alternative healing circles.
3. How long
does an Ear Candling session last?
About
forty-five (45) minutes per session, however, you
should allow one (1) hour for your appointment.
There have been reports of marathon 30 day
"ear candling raves" being held on the
west coast by former fans of the rock group
"The Grateful Dead" but San Francisco
police chief A. Eichmann refused to comment when
we contacted him. Schoolchildren in Butte Montana
have been detained for suspicious wax traces on
their clothing, alleged to derive from satanist
ear candling sabbaths held in the mountains
outside of that city but no charges were filed.
4.
How often should I have Ear Candling done?
Initially,
most people need just 2 or 3 candling sessions to
get their ears clean. Often gangs of ear candlers
in Los Angeles have been known to waylay victims
and ear candle them at gun point, insisting that
their clients return five or six times a day.
Groups of homeless ear candle addicts
"candling up" in vacant lots are
becoming an all too frequent sight in American
cities and President George Bush has recently
announced a campaign to "Round up and hang
these hairball slime" as part of his ongoing
anti-terrorism measures. However, some
people, may need up to eight (8) sessions over a
six month period. Once your ears are clean,
personal preference should determine how often you
have your ears candled. Every three to six months
would be practical.
5. Who can benefit from
Ear Candling?
Ear candling can benefit almost
everyone, from infants to adults. Primary monetary
benefits have been substantial among bee keepers
who supply the wax for the candles.
Musicians can benefit - especially singers and
horn blowers - who often have a lot more wax build
up than other people. People who wear hearing aids
can benefit. Also, those people who have had
previous ear injuries, can benefit from ear
candling as they tend to have a greater build up
of wax and fungus.
6. Who should not have
Ear Candling?
Ear Candling should not be done
to people who have ear tubes, perforated ear
drums, artificial ear drums, penis implants,
breast-enhancement surgery, pierced eyelids or
tattoos featuring disney characters.
And
there you go. If you aren't careful, I might turn
this newsletter into a full-fledged online
magazine. Provided, of course that there is an
audience for a fairly geeky American muso with a
hell of a lot of free time and a distorted view of
his own importance in the scheme of things.
that's
it for now
your working boy signing out
blaine
valentine
| \ \ | |/ /
| |\ `' ' /
| ;'aorta \ /
, pulmonary
| ; _, |
/ / , arteries
superior | | (
`-.;_,-' '-' ,
vena cava | `, `-._
_,-'_
|,-`. `.)
,<_,-'_, pulmonary
,' `. /
,' `;-' _, veins
; `./
/`, \-'
| right / | ;\
|\
|
atrium ;_,._|_, `, ' \
| \
\ ` `,
` __ `
\ left ;,
\ ,' `
\, ventricle
\_(
;, ;;
| \
`;, ;;
inferior |
|`.
`;;, ;'
vena cava | |
`-.
;;;;,;'
| | |`-.._ ,;;;;;'
| | | |
``';;;' fL
aorta
Number
5
February
9, 2002
Obsesso man is not satisfied with
just sending text-based site updates. Oh no. He
goes online to find an image editor
for ascii
images and HE FINDS ONE. I also discovered that
there is a community of dedicated geeks out there
who make art
in this medium. That is, for those
of you who don't know, when sending e-mail with
the various programs dedicated to that
function,
one has the option to format as either
"text" or "html". With HTML,
you have all the marvellous colors and pop up ads
that we have come to know and love in our
information age. With text, you have the bare
bones characters which exist on your keyboard, no
more, no less. Most mailing lists are limited to
this format due to the miniscule size of the files
in question. This one here, for instance.
If
all things have worked out, you will see some
handy dandy images which one can easily stick into
the window of a chat program or cut copy paste and
send to your friends. These images seem to read
best with "courier" as the font and 10pt
as the size.
If you LIKE this stuff, there
are a couple of places to go.
http://neptune.spaceports.com/~machouse/
for
examples of this art form, very heavy on manga
since the japanese seem to dig it.
and
there is dave barry's humorous take on "emoticons",
the inane punctuation analogs which have arisen to
fill in the blanks left by our standard set.
http://www.randomhouse.com/features/davebarry/emoticon.html
par
example:
USEFUL INTERNET EMOTICONS
EMOTICON
MEANING
:) Happy person
:( Sad
person
:-) Happy person with a nose
:-(
Sad person with a nose
:---( Person who
is sad because he or she has a large nose
:(
Person who is sad because he or she has a large
fish for a nose
:-D Person laughing
:-D*
Person laughing so hard that he or she does not
notice that a 5-legged spider is hanging from his
or her lip
:-| Person unsure of which
long-distance company to choose
>8-O-(&)
Person just realizing that he or she has a
tapeworm
;-) Person winking
-)
Person who can still smile despite losing an
eyeball
:-0WW Person vomiting a series of
Slim Jims
:-Q Person who just had
cybersex and is now enjoying a post-coital
cybercigarette
>:-Q -... Person who
was enjoying a post-coital cigarette until he
suddenly noticed, to his alarm, that there is some
kind of discharge dribbling from his cybermember
:-{8
Person who is unhappy with the results of her
breast-enlargement surgery
:V:-| Person
who cannot figure out why nobody wants to talk to
him or her, little suspecting that there is an
alligator on his or her head
~oE]:-|
Fisherperson heading for market with a basket on
his or her head containing a three-legged octopus
that is giving off smell rays
>:-[ -{9
Person who is none too pleased to be giving birth
to a squirrel
Here are some fine
examples of emoticon art from the
"macros" site.
-=(
Skeleton )=-.
.-.
(o.o)
|=|
__|__
//.=|=.\\
// .=|=. \\
\\ .=|=.
//
\\(_=_)//
(:| |:)
|| ||
() ()
|| ||
|| ||
l42 ==' '==
/
\
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/ /
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_____________ _
|=============|/A\
|
| U/
|_____________|_/
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\_________/
-=(
Demon with Sword )=-.
. .
// \\
/ |_ _| \
|.-.`-'.-.|
\`..`
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( ) ( ) |`: |
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,-' .' `. `-. \ | /
l42`'..'
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I conclude by attempting to
paste in an ascii image of my very own haid. Hope
you can read this. If not, don't blame me.
(it
helps to get up and walk back a few paces from
your computer. This helps anyway. Walk
away....turn it off, blaine...turn it o f f
f.......)
yours,
uncle guido
ascii
self-portrait
.=+xxxmmx+. .;+mmmmxmmmmx+ .xxm##mmmxxmmmmx=. .xxm#mmm######mmmmmm=. ;;++xxmmm####m##mmmmmm+ =+x+xmmm###############+. .++xxmmmmmmm############mx; ;++xxxxxxxmmmmmmmmm#######m; ;+x+++xxxxxmmxxxmmmm######m+ .+m=.;++++x+xxxxxxxxxxxxmm##mmx =mm .=++++xxxxxx+xxxxxxxxmm##mm. =m+..==+++xxx+x+x+xxxx+xxxmm#mm; ;x ;;==+++++x++++++++++++++xmmmm= =m ;;;===++++++++++++++++++xxmmmx ++ ..;=+++++++++++++++++++++xxmmm ;= .=+++++++++++++++++++++++xm# =. .;++++++++++++++++++++++++xm# = =+++xxxxx+++x+++++++++++++++xm= ; .xmmmmmmmxxx+xx++++++++++++++xmx. . .+m######mmxxxxxxxxx+++++++++++mm= . =+mm####mmmxxxxxxxmxxxx++++++++mmx. . ;=xmmmmmmmmmxmxxxxmm####mmx++++xm#m= ; =+xmmmmm#mmmmxmxmmmmm#####mx+++xm##+ ; =xmmmmmm#mmmmmxxxmmmm####mmmx++xmm#x .. xmmxxmmmm###mx+++xmmm###mmmmmx++m##m ;. xmx++xmmmm##mx=+++mm####mmmmmm++m##m ; x+ +m####m##m=.==+m###mmmmmxxmx+x### ; + #########+. ===xmm#####mmxxx++### ; ; m####m#mm= ==++mm######mmxx++### ; .;;mmm#mmmmx ;==+xm#######mmx++### .xxxxxmxx; .=+++++mxmmmmmmmx++### . ++xxxx+ .++++++++xxxxxxxx++m## =+xxxx+ .++++=+++++++xx++++### xxxxx++ .=xxxx++++++++++++++m#m . .+xxx++= ;==xxxxx+++++++++=+++m#m ;. .;xxx++++ .###mmm##m++++++++++++x#+ ;xxx++=x +###mmm###++++++++++++xm+;= .=xx++==x.+###mmm##mx+++++++++++xx+xx; .;+x;=+xx=+mmmmmmmmmxxx++++++++++++xm= ; ;xx;=+xx==mmm###mmmxxx++++++++++++xx= .. +x=;+++++xmm######xxx++++++x++xxx+x; +x; =+=;==+xx#########mxxxx+++x+++xxx+x; xx ;=+ ;+mmm#####mxxx#mmxx+++xx++xmm+x. xx ;==.=+m##mmmmmxxxx###x+++++x++mmm+x +x+ ;x =+m#mmmmmmmmmxxm##m+x++++++xmmx+ ;= =x =mmmmm##mmmmmx+mmmmxx++++++mxmx; = +x +mmmm#mxxxxxmx+xmmmxxx+++++xxm+. +m xx mm#+=+mmmmmmmm= ;xx+xx+++++++= +m xx m#m=+xmm#m#mmmx xx+x++++++++; .mx xx mmx++xmm##mmmmm xx+x++++++++ = +.;xxmmmmm#mmmmx ;+xxx+++xm+ . .=;=xmmmmmmmmmmmm+ ==xxxx++++ .==xmmmmmxmxxxxmxxx .xxxxx=; .= =xx+xm+xxxxmmxxxmx+mmxxxx +=; ++;==xxmmmmmmmxxmmxmxxx; +=..;.;;=xmmmmmmmmmmmmxmmmx .. .+xmm#mmmmmmmmmmmmmm. ; .;+xm###mm#m#mmmmmmmmx ;. ;;;+mm########mmmmmmmm+ ++xxx################m .+x+m################; ;++m###############m ;xxxxx++==. ....... |